One of the worst things about being a polyamorous person who isn’t currently in a couple, or a dyad, is how often you find yourself a unicorn.
You’re with a couple and you find that they’re extra cuddly towards each other. They kiss each other in front of you. They go out to dinner after meeting up with you, telling you that they need couple time. You meet up with them on their whim, do whatever it is that they want to do since it always seems to be two against one anyways, and then you go your separate ways. Until the next time they call at least.
Unicorns are beautiful creatures. They’re magical and majestic. They’re healers and fighters. They’re also not real. Same goes for the polyamorous unicorn.
In the world of polyamory, a unicorn is a person who is invited into an existing couple to date and play with. The couple can make demands but the unicorn cannot do anything that could cause any inconvenience for the couple. The unicorn is not allowed to develop feelings because it is assumed that the creature will also magically disappear whenever the dyad decides that they are no longer interested in being in this triad.
I’ve often thought that meant the couple was inherently dating a cardboard cut out. She can’t really feel and she can’t really protest. I say she because a unicorn is also known as an HBB, or a hot bisexual babe, but, of course, a he can also be all of these things.
If you’re like me, and you’re looking for a triad where you feel like an equal member of the relationship, here are a few warning signs that will prevent you from turning into a unicorn.
1. The dyad are very protective of each other.
Some couples come across as very clingy and protective and it’s easy to spot from the get go. They’re holding each other possessively throughout the date. They talk to each other a lot and you notice you’re not really getting asked anything. They seem to almost put up a force field around each other.
2. They seem to only talk about sex with you.
This is a really strong warning sign. If the only plans they seem to keep making with you are sexy ones, they’re not looking for you to be an equal partner in their relationship. They’re looking for someone to have a threesome with.
3. They’re both pretty heterosexual.
You identify as a man and the boyfriend of the couple isn’t interested in men. You identify as a woman and the girlfriend isn’t into girls. Either way, something’s a little fishy. It’s hard to have a triad if one member of the group physically cannot be attracted to another member.
4. They’re closed off.
They know lots of things about you, but when it’s your turn to ask questions, they’re pretty vague. Over time, you realize you don’t really know what they do, where they’re from, or even just little things that they know about each other, like their favorite movie. If they’re not letting you in, it’s likely because they don’t plan on having you stay for long.
5. They’re new to the poly world.
Everybody has to start somewhere, but new poly couples are often not quite on the same page. It’s not their fault. They’re learning, too. But that can often mean that one partner wants a triad and another just wants a unicorn or maybe one of them is unfortunately treating saying that they’re poly as an excuse to have a lot of threesomes. They’re learning, but they might leave a string of broken hearts in their wake.
Being polyamorous is hard and it’s often hard because there really isn’t much of a strict definition. Maybe you want that beautiful, elusive triad. Or maybe you want a primary partner and then other partners that you date and play with. Or maybe you want a primary partner who you swing with. There’s a whole world of possibilities out there. You don’t have to be a mythical creature to find a couple to be with. You’ll find the right someone, or rather someones, when you least expect it and when you finally get to just be yourself.
FAQs
Swinging:a configuration in which partners have a relationship that is open for platonic sexual encounters. Unicorn/Dragon:a bisexual, polyamorous woman/man who is open to forming a triad with an established couple; referred to as these mythical creatures because these type of partners are extremely rare.
What is a dragon in polyamory? ›
Swinging:a configuration in which partners have a relationship that is open for platonic sexual encounters. Unicorn/Dragon:a bisexual, polyamorous woman/man who is open to forming a triad with an established couple; referred to as these mythical creatures because these type of partners are extremely rare.
What are the rules for unicorn polyamory? ›
There are no hard and fast rules about unicorn polyamory, as it is a cultural term, not a technical one. Unicorn polyamory generally regards the couple as primary partners and the unicorn as the secondary partner. In entering the couple's relationship, the unicorn consents to be a part of their existing structure.
What are red flags in polyamory? ›
Rushing into it before your partner is ready, failing to set and adhere to boundaries, and not paying attention to your partner's feelings in the process are all huge red flags. An important thing to remember is that being polyamorous is not the same as being single.
How do I know if I am a unicorn? ›
A unicorn is a person who is willing to join an existing couple to form a polyamorous triad. The label is most commonly used for single bisexual women who join heterosexual couples, but unicorns can be of any sexuality or relationship status. Triads usually form organically.
What is a bull in polyamory? ›
person (referred to as the "cuckold") finding pleasure in witnessing their partner engage in sexual. activities with another person, often one who is more sexually dominant or endowed (referred to. as the "bull" or "stallion") (Plumptre, E., 2022).
What is unethical polyamory? ›
In such a relationship, sleeping with someone else without the consent of your partner may be considered cheating or unethical non-monogamy.
How many partners is normal in polyamory? ›
Other researchers like Fleckenstein and Cox found that most polyamorous people maintain two or at the most three partnerships simultaneously.
What is the male equivalent of a unicorn? ›
It can be difficult for a couple to find someone who's willing to join them on their terms, agree to love them both equally (but no one else), and happily go along with any rules and boundaries that the primary couple decide upon. The men's equivalent to a unicorn is a “dragon”.
What not to do in a polyamorous relationship? ›
Trying to force a person in a box—for example, trying to say, “You can only date both of us and you have to develop a relationship with both of us that's exactly the same and grows in exactly the same way”—rarely works. Instead, treat your relationships in a way that respects what they are.
For example, if Alissa becomes angry at Blake, they might complain about Blake to Charles, which will make Alissa feel better, instead of confronting Blake directly. This is called triangulation. There are three problems when this occurs repeatedly in polyamorous relationships.
What does RA stand for in polyamory? ›
Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence.
What are the 3 types of unicorns? ›
There are seven types in the world today – Mountain Jewels, Water Moons, Woodland Flowers, Desert Flames, Ice Wanderers, Storm Chasers and Shadow Nights. On the following pages you will find a map of where in the world they have been seen. DISCOVERING UNICORNS Page 4 17 16 WHERE IN THE WORLD?
What does 🦄 mean in texting? ›
Both guys and girls send the unicorn emoji in texts and post it on social media to say they're feeling happy or playful. They might use 🦄 to express their excitement for an upcoming trip, share the great day they had, or laugh about a funny photo they saw.
What is a unicorn in a throuple? ›
So what is a unicorn in a throuple? The “unicorn” in polyamory is usually a person looking to complete a throuple with an existing couple. Depending on whatever they hope to find, they may be down for anything from a long-term, loving relationship to a night of sexual pleasure.
What is a dragon twin? ›
Twin Dragons appear differently than other dragons. The most noticeable difference is a blue orb which hovers above the dragon's head from levels 1 through level 10. When the dragon is level 11 to 19 the orb will have a blue glow around it, and the symbol inside the orb will be gold.
What is a squish in polyamory? ›
A “Squish” – a strong desire to develop a platonic relationship with someone (The Smart Girls Guide to Polyamory). It's the squishy feeling you get when you start a friendship with someone – that friendship chemistry.
What is dragon courting? ›
Generally, a male dragon announces himself in an area by roaring and showing off his strength. Female dragons would rise up on their hind legs and show off wings as part of the mating ritual. The male would then usually performs a mating dance and present her with food or some other token to entice her.
What is a compatible partner for a dragon? ›
According to Chinese zodiac compatibility rules, people born in the Year of the Dragon could get along well with Rooster, Rat, and Monkey people; a happy married life would be likely. However, people of Ox, Sheep, or Dog signs should be avoided when choosing a life partner.
